Ask a Fab Gay Man

Dear FGM,

Loved your last column! I really need your help. My boyfriend and I are in a great relationship and we have pretty good sex, but I don't think I'm pleasing him when it comes to the oral. I guess I've never really been confident in this area. Like I feel awkward and I usually end up just giving up after a few minutes. I'm getting worried because at first he asked me to do it a lot, but now he's stopped asking altogether. I really want to loosen up and blow his mind! I figure a gay man is pretty much an expert at this, can you give me some tips?

Thanks,

Feeling Like a Prude

Missy Poo,

Thanks for your email! No worries, love, you have indeed come to the right place. It's true, ladies, gay men are undeniably the experts at giving the goods. After all, when you're working with a piece of anatomy that you're already intimately familiar with, there's an automatic comfort level and a spectacular knowledge of all the hot spots. But don't fret, puddin' pops, this is a skill that can be learned and perfected by anyone willing to try, including you, Miss Prude! Just follow a few of my favorite pleasure principles:

Channel Your Inner Sexpot

Just like with fashion, attitude is everything! If you're going down to China town looking scary, nervous and unsure, it is damn near impossible for your man to relax, relate and release. His dink is sure to shrink! Really, dolls, how can he enjoy it if you don't? The best way to go in with the right attitude is to make sure you're nice and hot first. When you're already revved up and in the mood for love, pleasing him will feel less like a chore and more like a fabulous stop on the way to Love-land.

Scratch and Sniff

The dangleberries need love too! I know it's very easy to leave them hanging (lol! i kill myself), but for a truly mind blowing BJ, it is so very important to involve the DB's. This can be as simple as lightly grazing them with your fingertips as you begin. Plus, this serves a dual purpose. First, we're trying to get him as rigid as possible from the start (see He's a Big Softie). And two, you can engage in the all-important "scratch and sniff." Nothing kills the mood faster than a sack that's hours past its expiration date. So, absolutely get a quick discrete whiff and if its all bad, just tell him that you suddenly need to wash your hair. Believe me, straight men do this all the time! That's what's called the "dip and sniff." Don't say FGM never taught you anything.

He's a Big Softie

This is a situation that we must strive to avoid. It is so unsexy, unsavory and unsatisfying to be greeted with a wet noodle. So before putting your mouth on his member, make sure that all systems are a go! Kiss and pet him all over. Nibble on the inside of his thigh. A great place to begin is the happy trail right behind his ear and down to the shoulder blade. Talk about springing to life!

Be a Toothless Wonder

So now you've got your man exactly where you want him and in your zeal to go for the gusto, you accidentally ding his ding ding with your toofus, doofus! He has now gone from 6o to 0 in seconds flat. I can tell you from experience that once this sort of thing happens, it's like someone has suddenly stepped on the brakes. The giver now has to take it all the way from the top. I can just hear you all saying, "Oh hell no!" Well then, avoid this altogether by being the ultimate toothless wonder. Keep that jaw unhinged and by all means, slow down! Practice makes perfect here.

Tongue Technique

Mkay, now we're getting to the good stuff. Make sure your mouth is niiiice and wet. Start slow and steady. Find your rhythm. Drive him crazy by concentrating on the tip with first your tongue, then your whole mouth. Pull down the shaft with your hand as you work, a little pressure is good. Take it as deep as you're comfortable with. Don't act as if you have a plane to catch. Let the build up begin. If you're unsure if you're hitting the spot, don't be afraid to ask him if he likes it and how he wants it. Communication is good.

Time for Arrival

Is he ready to burst? Get him all the way there by quickening the pace and focusing your tongue on the underside of his member, never losing contact! The sweet spot is the on the underside, right below the head. Just git dat git dat git dat and you're golden!

Well, Miss Prude, I hope I've given you enough information to get you on the road to oral ecstacy. Do let me know how it goes. And darling readers, I'd love to read your comments, feel free to share your tricks of the trade! Sharing is caring. And hit my girl, Elle, on the email with your questions!

Happy sexing ya'll!

FGM