I have a question for the Fab Gay Man! My boyfriend and I have been together almost four months. Everything is going great...we work in the same industry, he's totally my type (well groomed, schnazzy dresser) and he's great in bed. So anyway, his best friend Scott* is gay and whenever he's around I feel like the redheaded stepchild with a stutter. They have all these private jokes and hang out ALL the time. Pretty much when he's not with me, he's with Scott. And then when they're not together, they're texting or talking on the phone. I get that they're super close but how do I know if it's developed into something more than just a friendship? I have a feeling that Scott is just waiting for the right opportunity to move in on my man! Recently they planned a "guys trip" to Miami and I am trippin! So my question is, can straight and gay males be friends without it escalating? And how can I keep this guy from moving in on my man?-Odd Girl Out
Hey gurr! FGM here! And good gravy-colored Gucci, it's been forever since my last post. I blame Elle, all of a sudden she's too high post to sit down for a chit chat with lil ol' me. I keed! Elle and I are tight as ever, and busy as ever too! So anyways, thanks so much for your question, crumbbun...it's a good one!
You see my pet, I am of the opinion that gay men and straight men cannot, I repeat, cannot remain "just friends," not in this day and age. Let's face it: being gay has become kinda trendy, people are a lot more open, and many men are much more curious than even they'd like to believe. And what you really must know is at the end of the day, gay or straight, men are pigs, and if they can, they are going to try.
This leads us to your boo's upcoming "Brokeback Boy's Trip" to the sandy beaches of Miami. Hot shirtless days, hotter drunken nights, honey, he's as good as gone!
The best excuse for a gay guy to try something with a straight guy is, "I was drunk." That's a classic. And honestly, if you're that worried I say let the guy go, cut your losses and be done with him. You do not want to put yourself at risk dealing with some confused and closeted man.But and however, my darling deviled egg, I hate to be a total Debbie Downer. If you think your boyfriend's no no hole is still virginal and this relationship is worth saving, there are some ways to beat Scotty at his own game. Normally, I always suggest communication first and foremost in terms of relationship issues but this is one instance in which talking to your partner is not likely to help. Denial is more than a river in Egypt, my love. So, you're going to have to get sneaky to get to the bottom of this. Here are some suggestions:
1. Desperate is as Desperate Does - Book yourself a ticket to South Beach. There's no way I'm letting my man to go down south (ahem) just to be seduced by Scotty. Not without a fight. Bring your girls and get your party on...and you don't even have to follow him around like a lost puppy. The thought of you being in the same city may just be the deterrent he needs.
2. Play Pink Panther - Become your own private dick! (giggle) Sweetpeach, it's time to gather intel about who, wh
at and how he doin. Offer to clean his room/house. This is a fabulously legit way to go through all of his sh*t, including old photos (did he have a blond pixie a la Sisqo at one time?), cards and letters (was his high school pen pal a lil suspect), and the all-important credit card statements. Those babies offer a world of information as to his whereabouts and with-whos. Can't get your hands on a statement? Customer service agents can be great allies, if you act "blond" enough, they will tell you any and everything. Basically, have him on permanent crooked eye until you are absolutely sure he's yours and only yours.3. Gain a GBFF - Set your sights on Scott. Invite him to brunch (gay guys love brunch). Have some champagne mimosas and ask him a bunch of questions about himself. See how much he's willing to share. Don't swoop down on him right away, the process may take more than a few brunches, but if you gain his trust, eventually you'll be able to get the information you need. Is your boyfriend his type? Does he act like a schoolgirl when he talks about him? Or is he altogether harmless? Only time and good conversation will tell.
So, dollface, despite the fact that there's a good chance your man is on Scotty's to do list, there are some ways to take charge of the situation and get the answers you need. It's all about making the most informed decision you can, but that doesn't mean you should wait to catch them in bed. Trust your instincts, gumdrop! And don't ever be afraid to let a man go, there's always something better right around the corner!
So sugarplums, if you have some advice for Miss OGO, holla back in the comments. And by all means, drop a line here if you have a question that only the FGM can answer. You can check out my previous columns, here! Love you mean it!
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent
