TTM ALERT!

Mine eyes! I'm blind! Too much tragic tranny in one day! Please be careful as you scroll down...this is not pretty.

It is a damn shame when you have no clothes on but you still manage to be a tragic tranny mess. Brooke, Brooke, Brooke! Please stop. We've already been over this. Sexy photoshoots ain't for errybody. This means you.


Auberella! Why? Seriously, why? Yes, your album went double cricket but that's no reason to go completely overboard. You look like a bloody tampon. And I mean that in the best possible way.

Showing a little side cleave is not helping your situation. Wrong again! Here's what she had to say to OK Magazine when asked about her style at the Vitamin Water event.

"I love to stand out, I love to be the center of attention, I love to steal all the attention in the room and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think it's a fabulous thing to be if you're comfortable, so I look for clothes to do that. I just look for anything that’s bright, that stands out. I’m fun, I take chances, I think outside the box. I don’t like to have anything regular or anything everyone else does, so you’ll never see me in anything like that." Kuh-learly.

Dolly...yikes. Time has not been kind. Yes, I know she's looked like this for years but that's no excuse. And it makes it no less tragic! Her hair and her skin are the same color! I'm horrified, horrified, confused, sad, pained, and horrified. I can't.

Methinks I need to start a charm school for TTM's. We would start by scrubbing every last bit of makeup off (particularly mascara) and forcing them to look in the mirror until they start crying like Kelle from ANTM Cycle 3. The TTM must be purged! Then we'd go through their luggage and toss everything that's either sparkly or leopard print. Wait a minute. Why does this sound so familiar? I think I may need a touch of TTM Charm School myself. Dammit!
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Rough

Solange celebrates her 22nd B-Day in LA

Daddy Knowles, get People on the horn immeeejetly! This should not be the first picture to greet visitors of People.com! First of all, this photographer should be shot. Both Solange and Miss B are gorgeous girls, yet here are looking so intensely harsh in the face. Was this the very last picture of the night? Cuz a little sweat can apparently hurt somebody. Just wow. If I hadn't seen the long shot of Solange on Concrete Loop, this would have been a total TTM alert. You know, tragic tranny mess. All that was needed was about 5 good feet, and look at the difference...

See, now she looks like a 22 year old. I feel better.

P.S. I hate rosettes. They give me a bad one. I think this ruined them for me, forever. That and Angela from Project Runway Season 3. Just no.

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Look into my crystal ball...

Tell me, my loves, what do you see? If you said, a tragic tranny mess, you're close. If you said Christina Aguilera in 20 years, you win! Okay, I'm kidding, Christina will look like this in half that time.

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Actually, this is the Puerto Rican diva, Ivy Queen. She's one hot bitch. Don't even try to fight the hotness that is Ivy. Her acrylics are like cryptonite to you haters. I almost choked when I saw her stage age. 35? Honey, your implants are damn near 40. Stop playing.

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Photo via Dlisted

Open Letter to Brooke Hogan

Lil Miss-guided,

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What kind of fuckery is this? I have sat idly by while you brazenly wore ass-less, denim chaps, not just once but a few times this summer, spreading your horribly horrible fashion sense all over tarnation, but now I am officially pissed. Is this what you call getting gussied-up for an awards show? I have three words for you: TRAGIC TRANNY MESS. This gives me an idea for a Halloween costume this year. Thundercats, ho! You could be Cheetara and I would be Panthro so that I could nun-chuck your taste-less ass! Aren't you 19 years old? Between the hair and the makeup you could pass for 45...and three quarters. Hello?! Brooke?! Are you even listening?!?!?! Oh, never mind.

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Damn you,

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Elle