Welcome to my personal fashion hell

CRUGGS?!?! Mother-effing CRUGGS!?!? In the name of Lil Mama* WHY? Seriously, who's bright idea was it to put together the two fugliest shoes on the planet, Crocs and Uggs, dye them a vomit-inducing shade of pepto-pink, accent them with nappy lambs wool and call it a winter boot?! Oh horror of horrors Halloween hath cometh early! I would rather be strapped to a chair and forced to watch alternating episodes of Tyler Perry's "House of Payne" and Flavor Flav's "Under One Roof" while Sarah Palin whispers "maverick" over and over again in my ear in a world with no candy corn than to place one painted pinky toe in these atrociously atrocious crimes against fashion. I can't. Please excuse me while I shed a million tears.

*Hey F.U. boo!

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All is right in my world

I am loving this picture more than life. The drama, chile! They are giving me "drag aliens from the Planet Hair Piece." Try not to stare too long. If you're not already, this picture will turn you into a living, breathing flame.

The Dutchess herself, Miss Fergie, appears to be suffering from some form of Bell's Palsy but the most important thing about this picture? No eyebrow ring! Hallelujah Jesus! Joy comes in the morning! Sure, she's about 10 years late with this but let's not look a gift horse in the mouth. Here's hoping she burned it.

And our girl Aubrey is still a mess! This time on ice! Yup, all is right in my world. Okay, maybe it's not right but it's okay.

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Mimi Lives in Never Never Land...

Mimi on Monday's TRL

...right next to Peter Pan. Cuz b*tch don't want to grow old! In case you were wondering, Mariah Carey is STILL dressing like this. At damn near 40. In 2008. I can't. I still hold on to the hope that one day, she will wake up, put on a proper dress and repent for all of her sins against fashion. But alas, not this day. I hate everything about her look...except the bangles. She can keep those.

Seriously though, who wears tied-up belly shirts any more? And with a three-tone mini? I even hate her in those sunglasses. And I wish she would do something new with her hair already. It's doing nothing for her face (she's got great cheekbones). Everything about her look says immature and insecure. Grow up, girl! Forty ain't the new 20, Mariah, it's the same old 40!

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Rough

Solange celebrates her 22nd B-Day in LA

Daddy Knowles, get People on the horn immeeejetly! This should not be the first picture to greet visitors of People.com! First of all, this photographer should be shot. Both Solange and Miss B are gorgeous girls, yet here are looking so intensely harsh in the face. Was this the very last picture of the night? Cuz a little sweat can apparently hurt somebody. Just wow. If I hadn't seen the long shot of Solange on Concrete Loop, this would have been a total TTM alert. You know, tragic tranny mess. All that was needed was about 5 good feet, and look at the difference...

See, now she looks like a 22 year old. I feel better.

P.S. I hate rosettes. They give me a bad one. I think this ruined them for me, forever. That and Angela from Project Runway Season 3. Just no.

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Make it Stop!

Um...are those palazzo pants!?!

I give up. No more pseudo-celebrity clothing lines! They can't be trusted. More importantly, I don't think my delicate stomach can take it. Just looking at these ungodly tops is making me itch.

No, Scary Spice isn't posing at a swap meet, she has "designed" a truly scary collection entitled...wait for it...Catty Couture, which is based on her own wardrobe. LOLZ for days! Is she serious with all that cheetah? Sure, into every life a little animal print must fall, but this is ridiculous.

The last thing the world needs is more cheap and tacky clothes, and in animal print no less. There's already a Rainbow on every corner in the hood.

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Trendwatch: Party Frocks with Sneakers?

She's baaaaack

This picture bears repeating. How hideously hood fab. I thought that D. Woods' foray into the world of frilly dresses and sneakers was a momentary lapse of judgment never to be seen or heard from again. Unfortch, it seems as though the worst is yet to come.

Posh sneakers are mayjah for '08, the more colorful, metallic and/or designer, the better. Then there's also this punk/glam/rock element that's shaping up to be huge for Fall (think Rihanna these days). This, my friends, has birthed a trend that is sweeping the nation: party frocks with sneakers!!!

Lil Mama was spotted over the weekend at the Kids Choice Awards in a Betsey Johnson dress and high tops.

Teyana Taylor performed at a MAC Cosmetics Launch in the same Heatherette dress D. Woods wore, but with different kicks (thankfully much less orthopedic looking).

Of course, these youngsters aren't known to be fashion frontrunners, but I'm still confused. This is something one would expect from, say, Avril Lavigne...

Yep, that looks about right.

Also, Lily Allen is known for pairing her dresses with sneaks...

Personally, I just can't get behind it. Although I'm quite sure this is a trend that many a fun, punky high schooler will be wearing to her prom this year, it offends my sensibilities on many, many different levels. First, when you're in sneakers you automatically tend to schlep...very unsexy. If you wear anything over a size 7, your feet resemble boats. Moreover, sneakers do absolutely nothing for your legs (heels make them look slimmer and more muscular) And despite the obvious comfort, I think any opportunity to gain a few inches in height should be relished!

Hmmm...maybe these are the solution?

LAMB Wedge Sneakers $235.00

LOLZ! I kid, I kid. I wouldn't be caught dead in these clown shoes. Seriously, I just got Ronald McDonald on the horn and he wants his shoes back.



I actually do have one pair of sneakers of the non-workout variety. They're these Baby Phat black and gold paisley high tops that I love (above). I still think they look like clown shoes/boats, but when I'm feeling totally glam rock, (which is once in a very orange moon) I wear them with opaque black leggings, a long black tunic, a cropped jean jacket, my long blinged out Hello Kitty chain and lots of eyeliner. That's about as hood fab as your girl gets. And I definitely can't see me pairing them with a dress.
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So the question remains, what do you think about pairing party frocks with kicks?





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